Girls Don't Cry
by Kihin Ranno
Summary: -COMPLETE- Minako has always been seen as child like... But the truth is she lost her inner child a long time ago.


Girls Don't Cry  
1/1  
by Kihin Ranno  
goddess_branwen@hotmail.com  
http://www.geocities.com/kihin_ranno/  
PG  
  
As a child, I loved stuffed animals. I simply couldn't get enough of  
them. They were soft, fuzzy, came in a wide variety of shapes and  
colors, and they were absolutely huggable. I don't really know what  
my first stuffed animal was, nor do I care anymore. After all, I had  
so many that the age of them certainly doesn't matter now does it?  
  
Especially since I am no longer a child.  
  
My name is Aino Minako. I am thirteen years old. I have recently  
acquired a rather strange white cat who, while he is male, goes by the  
name of a female deity of the moon. The name sounds masculine enough,  
but frankly I think that he has issues, even if he is just a cat. I  
live at home with my father whom my friends like to refer to as a  
workaholic. I don't know about that. I do know that he works a lot,  
but I've always assumed that one has to like work in order to be a  
workaholic. I'm certain my father doesn't like his work, but I do  
know one thing. I know that he works because he wants to be out of  
this house as much as possible. Away from my mother and I. Away from  
my mother whom my friends like to call an alcoholic. I do know about  
that. I know she drinks. And until recently, I did not understand  
why she drinks.  
  
Then again, until recently, I was still a child.  
  
It all began a few weeks ago I suppose... It all started innocently  
enough, but then doesn't everything? I was in gym class, performing  
spectacularly on the balance beam, but then don't I always? I was  
garnering attention, receiving praise, even snagging some applause  
from the more enthusiastic girls in my class. Even some of the boys  
who were running around the gym in a mindless circle trying to ignore  
their teacher yelling at them to hurry up took notice. I am quite  
proud to say that I got at least three wolf whistles and one cat call.  
  
But I'm getting off subject... Anyway, I was doing one last series of  
flips on the beam and performed a flawless dismount, until fate  
stepped in. And boy did she ever step in. She made it so that a  
little white cat with gender issues and a couple of Band-Aids on his  
forehead was right where my feet were going to touch down... So,  
rather unlike a cat, I slipped off of my fit and landed on my bottom.  
Now instead of applause and whistles, I was getting hisses and boos.  
  
Audiences are so fickle.  
  
Well, to say the very least, I was less than pleased about the  
development. I mean, really, to have a cat under my feet at the most  
inopportune moment possible... It was unheard of! And why did such a  
random thing have to me?  
  
It was all that cat's fault. And I grabbed him by the tail, shook him  
a few times, and told him as much I might add. Then a friend of mine,  
Hikaru, started lecturing me on animal abuse. Honestly, some people  
are such softies...  
  
So Hikaru gently takes the stupid mongrel from my arms and starts  
talking to it in this sickeningly sweet baby voice. I'm not usually  
this violent and embittered, but the cat screwed up a perfect  
dismount, and my bottom still smarts from the incident. But of  
course, Hikaru was way more concerned with the flea bitten feline  
yowling pitifully in her arms.  
  
Then she gets this weird look on her face and starts talking to me.  
No real surprise there, considering we are... or maybe were good  
friends, but what she said has managed to stick with me. At the time  
I didn't think much of the conversation, but now I really wish I had.  
Then I could have skipped town or something...  
  
"Hey Minako. This cat has something weird under these bandages."  
  
Apparently they had been slightly upset in the accident, which was  
entirely his fault I might add. But anyway, I was rather interested  
to see what was up. I've always been curious by nature. And by her  
words, it sounded like the bandages were covering up a lot more than  
an ordinary scratch...  
  
So I walked forward and took them off of his forehead. Of course, I  
was promptly scolded for being so rough, as the cat was now writhing  
around, screaming wildly in her arms. She wanted to get a better look  
at what was under them. She never said I had to be nice to the thing.  
And frankly, I'm glad I wasn't.  
  
After we finished our little spat, Hikaru and I were finally able to  
take a good look at that cat's forehead. Much to our surprise, it was  
no unsightly, festering wound or even a scar, but a bald spot in the  
shape of, what else, a crescent moon. The cat must have figured out  
that something was up because he promptly leapt out of Hikaru's arms  
and sped off and out of sight.  
  
I was still very angry, but I thought that would be the last time I  
would have to think about that cat, much less see him, so I quickly  
perked up. Hikaru and I then headed off towards the locker room to  
change back into our normal uniforms. I of course was talking her ear  
off about my latest true love, Higashi. I knew for a fact that just  
about every other girl in the school was also madly in love with him,  
but I was bound and determined to snag him. I mean, I hadn't managed  
it with any of my other true loves, so surely it would work this time,  
right?  
  
I would like to say that Higashi-senpai was different from the others.  
That he was somehow more special than every other boy that had managed  
to catch my attention. No one will ever have any idea how much I  
wished that I really had loved that poor boy with all my of heart and  
would have died for him, would have given up my soul for him... But I  
didn't. He was just another cute boy that had managed to hold my  
attention for longer than a few days. He was just another true love.  
He was just another crush. He was just another notch in the belt of  
failed or non-existent romances of Aino Minako. He was nothing  
special to me... Though at the time I thought he was.  
  
I was just a child then. I was just a little girl who thought that  
love was based entirely off of looks where your blood rushes a little  
bit faster because of it. I thought true love occurred when your  
normally empty eyes are suddenly filled with adoration. I thought  
that was true love.  
  
I was a very stupid child.  
  
Anyway, this was the day that I had planned to tell Higashi that he  
was my true love. That was exactly how I was going to phrase it too.  
It was standard procedure... Hand him the letter sealed with the  
little red heart, somehow manage to stammer out that I loved him, and  
then run far, far away before it could really register. That was how  
I operated. Like a straight forward loud mouth with absolutely no  
backbone. Of course, I didn't realize that I was being idiotic at the  
time. After all, this was true love I was talking about...  
  
So I waited until all of the older girls had filtered away, and then  
managed to work up enough courage to give him the letter. I was  
already blushing like made before I even managed to get his name out  
of my mouth...  
  
Then again, I never did manage to finish saying his name. Because as  
soon as I was within three feet of him, that damn cat came back. He  
landed right on my shoulder and scared me so badly I completely forgot  
about true love for a few moments... Which was just long enough for  
the older girls to come back.  
  
I promptly tossed him off of my shoulder and stomped off, deciding  
once and for all that I really hated cats.  
  
That should have been the end of my adventures with the white cat with  
the moon on his forehead. I told myself over and over again that it  
was over. I ignored that nagging feeling in the back of my head that  
tried to tell me that this was a lot more important than a bored cat  
who was trying to ruin my already poor love life. I like to ignore  
those voices at the back of my head. They're always alerting me to  
things I really do not want to acknowledge. So I continued on with my  
day, having completely convinced myself that the cat was gone and I  
would in fact be able to get that love letter to Higashi by the end of  
the day if it killed me.  
  
Ironically enough Higashi nearly did. But I'm getting ahead of  
myself.  
  
I went through the rest of the day as normal... I ate in the middle of  
class, got yelled at by the teacher... I slept through another class,  
and once again got yelled at by a teacher... I was given back a math  
test with a score that would have been could if we were talking about  
the age forty year olds always say that they are... I eventually got  
detention for one of those things, but then that was certainly nothing  
new.  
  
And then came the one moment in that awful day that Ms. Fate decided  
she was going to give me a break. She decided I needed a break in my  
misery, and made it so that I was able to speak to Higashi... Oddly  
enough, because my math was so bad that the teacher called in the  
older students to come and help us. That is one of the few moments in  
my life where I have been very tempted to fall to my knees, weep with  
gratitude and thank God that I am such an idiot.  
  
But back to the matter at hand... I was speaking with Higashi, and  
though my face was turning quite red and I don't think I responded in  
more than monosyllabic phrases, I was building up the courage to give  
him the letter. I had almost managed to reach the zenith, so to  
speak, when he had made a comment about how my hair would look lovely  
with a red ribbon in it. I of course took this as a declaration of  
everlasting devotion and was floored for a few moments. I forgot all  
that I had planned to say and sat there stuttering for a little bit.  
My stammering would prove to be fatal in the game, or perhaps war, of  
love  
  
Well, that was it for my good luck. I got to speak to Higashi. He  
got called away by some pretty girl, when I was verbally attacked by  
all the other boys around me... They really have no idea how annoying  
their comments are. They're always saying how I'm not really a girl.  
How they'd like to see me cry.  
  
Why do they do that? Why do they insist that I'm not a girl? Okay,  
so I'm not demure, elegant, or very lady like. I admit that. But  
since when do I have to fit into a stereotype for what a girl is and  
what a boy is? And since when do I fit it! I wear dresses, I have  
hair that falls to somewhere around my bruised bottom, I giggle every  
three seconds, and I wear Mary Janes. So would someone kindly explain  
to me how that does not make me a girl just because I can and will  
beat every boy in my class should he choose to speak against me?  
  
Now that I think about that again, that doesn't sound so great... Oh  
well, the point is, that really ticks me off. I'm different. I admit  
that. At this point in time I didn't realize just how different I  
was, but I always knew I wasn't exactly "the norm". But they  
continued to pound it into me. They continued to remind every single  
day of just why I was so unlucky in love. And they continued to call  
me a boy just because I wouldn't cry in front of them. I think maybe  
they were trying to make me cry... I think they were trying to hurt me  
in order to prove that I was a girl and that I did cry. But I would  
never let them hurt me. They didn't have the power to.  
  
So I always told them that I don't cry. Real girls don't cry.  
  
And then Higashi was gone. He was gone and I still had that blasted  
love letter in my hand. I could still see the papers rustling by the  
door, the breeze he had made as he past not yet gone. I wasn't about  
to give up on him so easily, so I tore into the hall...  
  
Only to come face to face with the bane of my existence, that darn  
cat. And once again, he made me lose Higashi. This time I kicked it  
before going on my merry way.  
  
At this point, I really loathed cats.  
  
Later, I was at home, sitting in the bathtub... And I was thinking  
about Higashi and that cat. It was like the feline was some kind of  
instrument of her ladyship Fate to keep me and Higashi apart. Did  
they not know that he was my true love? I didn't know anything about  
destiny at that point, but as I sat there surrounded by bubbles and  
inhaling steam, I thought he was my destiny. And in a strange way...  
He was.  
  
Later that day, I learned that boy cat had the name of a Moon Goddess,  
Artemis. I learned that I was the incarnation of Aphrodite, the  
goddess of love and beauty. I learned that I had once lived on a  
castle called Magellan that circled Earth's twin planet, Venus. I  
learned that I had a destiny to fight as a soldier by the name of  
Sailor V...  
  
And my destiny did lie with Higashi.  
  
As it turns out, my true love turned out to be an evil monster named  
Narkissos. Artemis told me that it was a play off of Narcissus, but  
I wasn't really listening when he explained this to me. As it turned  
out, he was using his good looks and charm to brainwash girls into  
being his slaves. He was to be the first of many agents of the Dark  
Kingdom that I was to face in order to protect Japan and the rest of  
the world.  
  
I still wear the red ribbon. It's sort of a memorial. At least,   
that's what I tell myself.  
  
Higashi was the first, and most definitely not the last of my true  
loves to die or be hurt because of me... I didn't like to let it  
bother me. I honestly did not allow myself to think about the fact  
that people were getting hurt, that people were dying because of me...  
Or Sailor V rather. After all, I was famous. Little dolls were in  
the stores, fashioned in my likeness... An actress who looked  
remarkably like me and wearing my soldier's outfit graced movie  
posters that were hanging in windows... I even had a video game that  
starred me. I had no reason to sit around and mope about things I  
really had no control over.  
  
I was still a child then. But I'm not one anymore.  
  
I truly don't understand why his death has affected me so... I really  
don't. I've seen a lot of death, these past few months. I have  
killed. I have watched others be killed. I myself have had several  
brushes with death. But for some reason his death has shaken me. So  
much that I cannot even bear to say his name.  
  
Why? Why is his death so different from all the others? After all  
that I have witnessed and all that I have done, why does his demise  
matter so much to me? Why is it that he made we want to cry when he  
left this earth? Why is that I also wanted to scream, curse, drag my  
nails across my skin so that they drew blood, and punch brick walls  
until my knuckles were rare and my fists broken? Why did I suddenly  
have the urge to fall to my knees, weep with fury and curse God for  
my idiocy? Why did I suddenly not only understand why my mother  
drank so much, but I wanted to run into the study, grab the bottle of  
whiskey from her hand and gulp down all of it's contents until I was  
good and drunk?  
  
Why did he take the child in me down to hell with him?  
  
Why?  
  
I don't think I'll ever know.  
  
You know, I like thinking back to that day... Back to that day when  
things were simple. I want to go back to when I was on that balance  
beam. I was balancing on a fine line then... The line between my life  
as I had known, and the life I live now. I could have remained on it  
forever, jumping over the obstacles in life and just continuing to  
live simply. I never had to dismount and fall into the world of war,  
magic, and death that I frequent now. I wish I could have done the  
impossible and never fallen on my butt and on my destiny...  
  
But I guess my landing was bound to suck.  
  
And so now I lay here on my bed, clutching the remnants of my dead  
childhood... I lay here hugging an old teddy bear that's missing one  
eye and faded so much that I can no longer remember what color he once  
was. I lay here on my bed, hugging a tattered stuffed animal, and I  
weep for him. I cry to mourn his death. I wear the red ribbon as a  
reminder of Higashi and all the rest. A reminder of what I am. Of  
what I've done. Of what I've lost. Of what I can never be again.  
  
I weep for the death of the child.  
  
But girls don't cry...  
  
I guess this means I'm a boy after all.  
  
"Damn."  
  
AUTHOR'S NOTES:  
  
Well, that was a fun little experiment. ^^ I decided that I'd try  
sitting down at my computer and just write. No revisions, no   
preplanning. I don't think it turned out half bad actually.  
  
This of course is based very heavily on the Sailor V manga,  
particularly the first Act with Higashi. I did change a few things,  
and if you're a real fan, you shall spot them. ^~ Well, I hope you  
liked this. Feel free to drop me a line! In fact, please do!  
  
Oh and if you recall the description of Minako's mother, I have this  
theory about her... I see her as the type who does nag at Minako,  
pushing the girl to make something of herself and frustrated at the  
career she has chosen. She is equally frustrated at herself for not  
making anything of her life, and frustrated at her husband and  
daughter for everything they do. So frustrated in fact, that she  
turns to drink.  
  
Oh yeah, and I don't own Codename wa Sailor V, Bishoujo Senshi Sailor  
Moon, or Band-Aids. ^^ 


End file.
